The Actions: 7 Steps to Powerful Change provides your strategies for setting purposeful goals, improving emotional skills, and taking decisive action to transform bad days into fulfilling ones. Why was this an important book for you to write?

Thank you for asking. This book is important for me to write because at the time I did not know what it was like to feel sadness due to a specific loss that occurs when someone dies, after which I lost interest in life and not being able to adjust my daily routine is abnormal. I had no one to share what I was going through, and it became clear that when I needed guidance the most, I did not know where to turn for help. Grief is complicated and a hopeful future is unlikely to happen, so, I wrote this book with hope that as people face grief instead of wallowing in despair, remember and cultivate the goodness, honor and reflection through preserving the memories of your loved ones.

In your book, you emphasize the importance of overcoming internal barriers. Can you share a specific moment in your life when you successfully overcame such a barrier?​

There were so many barriers in my life including external and internal. That internal barrier moment was when I told my partner that I was going to write a book and he told me straight up – who would read my book? He said, “You’re bilingual, your vocabulary is limited so what makes you think you can write a book?”

I absorbed his words and told myself that he was right. I am not good enough to write any books. Who will read my book when I do not know how to write it or where to start? People don’t know who I am or anything about me so why do they read my book? His words echoed in my ears and hissed in my mind for days. At that point, mind you that I had overcome 4 years of grief/depression, and I was working towards a better version of myself. I am proud how I have conquered death, my emotions are sublime, and I look forward to a wonderful future.

Weeks turned into months and finally I had a breakthrough. I thought and spoke deeply to myself, the person closest to me did not help me overcome the pain of losing my mother, and he did not know how I went through hell and came back alive. The feeling he told me I wasn’t good enough or worthy to write a book boiled to my core. I will prove to him and myself that I can write a book and people will read my book. A year later, The ACTIONS was born and received four awards. If I let this internal barrier overcome me, this book, The ACTIONS, would not have published nor would it have been known and would not have helped people.

How do you balance the need for setting ambitious goals with the importance of self-acceptance and living in the present?​

Ambition is a powerful driving force that pushes me towards achieving my goals and aspirations. Being ambitious blinded me to my own well-being, leading to burnout, stress, and a decline in mental and physical health. I have learned in the pursuit of success; it is crucial not to overlook the importance of self-acceptance and living in the present. It involves acknowledging and embracing the present moment, including one’s strengths and limitations, while ambition involves setting goals and striving for personal growth.

Balancing living in the present with self-acceptance and ambition is a delicate and personal endeavor. One personal approach to balance these two is to cultivate self-awareness and mindfulness, allowing for an appreciation of the present while also channeling ambition into meaningful and realistic pursuits. It’s important to recognize that balance may look different for each individual and can evolve over time based on life circumstances. Nevertheless, you must cultivate mindfulness in your daily routine. This will enable you to stay present and appreciate the journey, regardless of the destination. You are where you are in your life because of the goals you keep. Therapy, meditation, and self-reflection are helpful in navigating this balance. Set clear boundaries between work and personal life, allowing for quality time with loved ones and relaxation.

Can you elaborate on the concept of the “drunk monkey” that you mention in the book, and why it’s crucial to overcome it for personal growth?​

The “drunk monkey” I mentioned in the book is the mind chatter of which the distracted, disorganized, and often when the chaotic feeling we have in our mind our conscious throws all the negative self-talk at us including the pros and cons of the situation or choice leads to overthinking and procrastinating. Especially when we are afraid, that is when the loudest monkey sounds the alarm incessantly to indicate things we should be alert for, and it is up to us to choose fight or flight mode. If we do not know how to tame and manage our mind, we let the drunk monkey freely control our thoughts means that our mind will just bounce around and go wherever it’s taken in our head, it creates impulsive reactions, and a solution will never be able to find.

There are ways to overcome it. As you already know our mind is restless, unruly, and hard to control. It actively constructs our experience and behavior, but we are not bound by our drunken monkey mind. We must respond thoughtfully, rather than reacting emotionally, and be aware of our thoughts, be truly present within our environment and within our interactions. We must focus on what is important at each moment, which is a critical aspect of mindfulness, and that is crucial for our personal growth.

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Original source: https://literarytitan.com/2024/02/12/living-in-the-present/