Labour’s landslide victory in the British elections was achieved with only a third of the popular vote. Will the new government be able to steer Britain out of crisis after fourteen years of failed Tory policies?
And then underneath the black strip on the canvas isa small light. I used to think the black strip was the actual painting. Now I think it’s what the black stripis covering. The covering is impossible. No matter how wide the strip is, light shines through. Somevistas just do. Barnett Newman threw most of his […]
In 2002 a newly published and soon-to-be best-selling novel made front-page headlines—and no wonder. Acerbic and witty, nuanced and astute, The Bondwoman’s Narrative by “Hannah Crafts, A Fugitive Slave Recently Escaped from North Carolina,” was evidently the first novel by a Black woman to provide a chronicle of slavery from the inside. Years earlier the […]
On entering “Karl Lagerfeld: A Line of Beauty” at the Met last year, I was at first reduced to nouns and adjectives. I was overcome with description. An ensemble of an overdress and underdress for Chanel Autumn/Winter 2002–2003. The overdress, in a dark gray cashmere knit, is as formally cinched as a suit jacket. The […]
Kingsley Ben-Adir’s performance as Bob Marley in One Love is seductive, but but in treating the singer as a savior, the film loses sight of his complexity.
In This Is How We Heal from Painful Childhoods, you provide readers with a guide for dealing with childhood traumas that leave an impact far into adulthood. Why was this an important book for you to write?
Throughout the doctoral program for my PhD in clinical psychology, I searched for a comprehensive program to address the many complex issues present in family environments that allowed for repeated trauma and dysfunction. While I learned many fantastic therapeutic approaches to treating trauma, I found that they addressed several key parts of the trauma picture while ignoring other critical components. And so I set out to create a more complete list of variables, along with solutions and guidance to address each variable. And it only took me 14 years to complete!
What is a common misconception you feel people have about growing up with a dysfunctional family dynamic?
So many young adults believe that all they have to do is get free of their dysfunctional family by getting a solid job and their own independent place to live, which usually works for about a decade until their late 20’s and early 30’s when the less obvious (but very damaging) lingering habits and unhealthy thinking prevent personal thriving and happiness. It is not until they learn about self-sabotaging cycles, interpersonal control dynamics, and other natural consequences of the dysfunctional family dynamic that these survivors are able to truly break free from their family’s trauma history.
Can you share with us a little about the research required to put your book together?
First of all, for many years I have directly served clients struggling with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), like at the National Center for PTSD at the Veterans Affairs Palo Alto Healthcare System (amongst other places) where I studied and worked for 4 years in graduate school. Secondly, through continuing education programs, I purposefully learned many of the empirically validated therapies for treating trauma (EMDR, biofeedback, mindfulness, ACT, DBT, etc.). Third, by 2015, I had created my curriculum that included 13 variables that I turned into ‘rules’ that were easier for my clients to memorize and integrate into their lives. By 2017, the list had grown to 20 rules. By 2020, the 20 rules curriculum was highly refined and had successfully helped my clients and me address their family dysfunction in a comprehensive and detailed fashion. It was time to put the curriculum into book format!
What is one thing you hope readers can take away from This Is How We Heal from Painful Childhoods?
The lifestyle of upward mobility!! There is no one technique, one concept or skill, or one action that will heal a survivor and prepare them for a healthy, stable, happy life with their own successful relationships and family. So, much like the lifestyle of the martial artist, thriving survivors of childhood struggles have adopted a lifestyle of self-education, training, and self-empowerment that comes with tremendous challenges and victories throughout their lives. They just keep learning in their therapeutic activities–year after year–the many skills and insights that enable them to successfully handle life’s many challenges, as well as pass on their hard-learned education to the next generation!
Do you suspect that your adult struggles are tied to lingering childhood issues? Painful childhood experiences can include anything from a stressful divorce all the way to emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse.
During prolonged periods of chronic stress, family traumas, or dysfunctional family dynamics, your young brain likely created deeply ingrained physical and mental habits to help you survive. Unfortunately, these habits and core beliefs work against your adult life and relationship goals.
Even if you did not directly experience childhood abuse or neglect, you have likely felt the harmful effects of intergenerational (generational) trauma from your family, inherited as genetic issues or passed along through skills deficits and dysfunctional relationships. When these ancestral issues go unaddressed, we hand them down to the next generation. Natural responses to childhood stress can include:Chronic anxiety symptoms Unhealthy, chaotic, or toxic relationships Survival-based thinking (short-term, defensive, distrusting) Personal or family substance abuse (or addictions like gambling, work, porn) Unstable work life These perfectly normal reactions to a painful childhood do not automatically go away when you grow up! Recovery from such childhood experiences is challenging but quite possible when motivated survivors utilize self-education, therapy, and skills building to empower themselves.
This book presents 20 key concepts for comprehensively thriving past your stressful childhood. While many books focus on two to three of these issues in depth, they typically leave out entire concepts critical to beast-mode thriving! This book offers guidelines for you to develop yourself as an individual before moving on to enhancing your interpersonal functioning. Each chapter explains key concepts before offering solutions with realistic healing exercises to develop healthy habits that will help you heal and ultimately thrive! Here are just a few of the 20 rules:Trauma lies are just that…LIES We must slow down to speed up Practice treating yourself in a self-loving and self-respecting fashion We are responsible for the decisions that we are aware of It’s us against trauma world This encouraging and reality-based guide was authored by Ernest Ellender, PhD, who has worked directly with trauma survivors from all walks of life since 1995. He combined insights from his clinical psychology doctorate education and career with training methods from his martial arts career (Jiu-jitsu black belt instructor) to create this comprehensive and effective curriculum for those on a healing journey toward emotional wellbeing.
Clients benefiting from this curriculum have included those struggling with mental health instability; those in codependent and dysfunctional relationships; single parents wanting to do better for their children; divorced parents struggling with healthy co-parenting; clients diagnosed with C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder), ADHD, bipolar disorder, major depression, or dissociative disorders; clients whose prior therapists were poorly trained in trauma counseling and cptsd treatments; and parents seeking parenting tips to strengthen their family to prevent or minimize the impact of future traumas.
Following the guidelines of this book will lead to…More control, stability, and self-esteem A daily life free of toxic shame! Empathic and mature self-care and coping skills Advanced self-advocacy and communication skills Healthier, mutually supportive, and deeply engaged relationships when desired The ability to articulate, set, and enforce healthier boundaries with both loved ones and toxic individuals Positive parenting that fosters healthy families A healthy lifestyle of healing and pursuit of long-term goals Read less
Spirit Light: Volume 1 follows two sisters with great magical abilities who are being hunted by a dark Empire set on taking over their world. What was the inspiration for the setup of your story?
One day about five years ago, I was daydreaming about how fantasy authors come up with such creative magic systems. I tell myself stories when I’m waiting to sleep, so that night, I decided to give it a try and come up with my own magic system. The only thing I remembered the next morning was the idea that, when they were young, the magically adept caused pain in others. I wanted to know what their life was like.
For some reason I’ll never be able to explain, I found myself writing in a coffee shop that cold, snowy morning. I hadn’t written a word of fiction since ninth grade. All I had was that question, two characters and a situation. Three hours later I had a pivotal scene in my first novel, Spirit Sight. It was awful. I couldn’t get the words to reflect what I saw in my head. But I loved it. When I walked out of that coffee shop, I knew I was going to be a writer.
I continued to write disconnected scenes while I tried to come up with a story. I’ll never forget racing home to tell my partner, Deb, one of my ideas. When I was done, she said, deadpan, “That’s the hunger games.” It was nearly a mortal blow.
It wasn’t until I went back to what started the whole thing, the magic system, that I finally got the basic pieces of the story. The people at the center of the story are called the Alle’oss. It’s a Norwegian phrase that means ‘all of us.’ So, I read a lot about Norse mythology and shamanism. That was what I needed. Once I had the magic system, the main character and a setting, the rest just started falling into place.
The Spirit Song Saga is a sprawling story in a world as complex as in The Game of Thrones. Eventually, there will be six books in the main series and six prequels. But I’m as passionate about it as I was that morning in the coffee shop five years ago.
What were the driving ideals behind the characters’ development throughout the story?
At the heart of the overarching story is the contrast between the peaceful, collectivist Alle’oss and the authoritarian, hierarchical Empire. The importance of family and community is reflected in many aspects of the Alle’oss’s culture and language. For example, as I mentioned above, the name means ‘all of us’. They call their mountains na’lios which means our home.
My main character is Minna Hunter. Despite being persecuted as a child, she grew up with the values her people hold dear. It’s why she can remain grounded when her people require her to step onto history’s grand stage.
Minna is the best sort of fantasy hero. I originally wanted to base her on Vin from Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn series or Nona Grey from Mark Lawrence’s Book of the Ancestors series. But she refused to fit the mold of a young, powerful girl made angry and defensive by a cruel world. She’s humble, open and unwaveringly kind. She isn’t always sure what she’s supposed to do, but she has a bedrock belief in herself. She never draws attention to herself, but she never fails to rise to the occasion when required.
What character did you enjoy writing for? Was there one that was more challenging to write for?
I love all my characters, even the ‘evil’ ones. Everyone has a story, and everyone’s story can be interesting. Of course, my favorite character is my main character, Minna. I know her so well now, writing her scenes are second nature.
But the character that’s the easiest for me to write is Nara Flynn. She’s a powerful witch. The self-professed ‘best storyteller in the Empire,’ she’s ‘flamboyant, impertinent, disrespectful, sassy. Some, mostly Imperial officers, would call her obnoxious. But she is loyal to a fault to those she deems worthy, and, despite her love of the spotlight, she’s never the hero in her own stories.’ I can write her scenes almost as fast as I can type them. It took me a while to understand why, but when I figured it out, it was obvious. She’s my partner, Deb.
Can you tell us about the next book and when it will be available for fans to purchase?
The third book in the main series, Spirit Light Volume 1, comes out August 1 and the second book in the prequel series, Desulti, comes out November 1.
Author Links: X | Facebook | Website
After their thrilling adventures in Spirit Sight, the Empire knows what Minna and Alyn Hunter are capable of and won’t rest until they are dead. Tales of the powerful saa’myns’ exploits spread like wildfire throughout the Empire, igniting their people’s hopes for freedom. As the daughters of the greatest seer who ever lived, they know their mother saw a path to defeating the Empire. But Ragan was struck down before telling anyone her plan, leaving them to find the way forward alone. And they are in more danger than they know. Witches more powerful than the one who killed Ragan are tracking them. Can the Alle’oss withstand the might of the Empire while Minna and Alyn divine their mother’s plan? Or is it already too late?
Matson’s Case No.2 follows a detective leading the investigation of five complex murder cases who discovers a government coverup operation in the process. What was the inspiration for the setup of your story?
Reading about Operation Paper Clip and how the United States government brought many German scientists, Nazi intelligence officers, and members of death camp personnel here. This open door policy also was extended to members of Unit 731, the Imperial Japanese Army’s biological weapons unit. I used my character, Robert Matson, to peel back the layers of this onion. In the process, Matson reveals how the Agriculture Lab off the coast of Lyme, Connecticut, became the epicenter for Lyme’s disease and other infectious diseases that have been diagnosed in this area. Members of the U. S. Senate were informed about the tick colony at this facility and how the insects had escaped, but they took no action. Lab leaks do not happen only in China.
With so many emotionally impactful scenes in your book, what was your hardest scene to write and why?
The death of Bumpy Johnson was hard to write, because I wanted to open with an event that was significant for Matson because Bumpy, although a criminal, had been helpful in starting Matson’s career on the police force. I wanted to make sure that the scene was very accurate in terms of location, who was there, and what Matson’s emotions as he saw his friend die in front of him. It also reminded me of witnessing my first death and how I felt seeing a patient alive only a few hours earlier and then at autopsy.
What advice would you give to aspiring writers?
Write about things that move you. Don’t think about financial gain, because if that is your primary focus, you will never write anything worthwhile. Tap your emotions. Write sincerely about your at experiences: the loss of a loved one, the birth of a child, the anger at being betrayed, the fear when facing danger. Be a good observer of life. Describe people, places, and objects. Put the reader in those places. Think about what would make you turn the page.
What types of questions do you ask yourself when planning a new book?
What is your interest in the particular story you want to tell? Who are your characters? Who are they before they show up in your story? Each character has a life. He or she breathes, eats, loves, and hates. How do you write these things so that your reader will find your story worthwhile to read? While I do not outline a story in advance of writing it, many writers prefer to do that. Whatever works best for you. I also have no idea how many pages I will need to write to tell my story. I let my characters dictate what happened, where they’re going, and what happens next and in the long run. Do not keep writing after you finish telling your story just to add more pages. It’s not the length of a book that counts; it’s the quality of the writing on whatever pages it takes to tell the story.
What are you in the middle of writing now?
I am writing a series about a family during the Spanish Reconquista from about 1230 to 1492. This three-part historical novel deals with the politics, intrigue, war, family life, and heartaches of noblemen and women trying to survive.
Author Links: GoodReads
Matson’s forensic boss, O’Neal, a crusty Scotsman, sends Matson to the crime scene in Manhattan, where he learns that three men, all with the same name, are murder victims, suspiciously in a three-block radius of each other. He hooks up with his former partner, Harvey Smith, and the two cops plug into the world of spies, Nazis, and Operation Paperclip. In their investigation into the three murders, all revealing ties with Hitler, the two cops go to the FDA’s animal research facility, site of the three murdered men’s work on biological warfare off Lyme, Connecticut, namesake for Lyme disease. Who murdered whom becomes a twisted riddle of love and covert operations—and protection of government secrets. Will the truth ever be known? Matson and Smith, in their search for the answer, venture off to the FDA’s Animal research facility, site of the three Nazi scientists’ work on bacteriological warfare off Lyme, Connecticut. In the familiar sub-plot to the Matson series, he continues to advance in the police ranks, despite ongoing discrimination during the pre-Civil Rights era of the late 1950s. Sissy, Matson’s wife, begins her education in earnest toward becoming a highly respected psychologist.
The Last Single Couple in America follows a gay man and his best friend, a straight woman, who both sleep with the same man, unknowingly causing their friendship to take a drastic turn. What was the inspiration for the setup of your story?
I thought it would be an interesting dynamic if two best friends unknowingly slept with the same person, especially if one was gay, and the other being his best straight female friend just added to the dramatic fallout of their friendship. It was tricky how I had to orchestrate them both sleeping with the same guy since they were so close and shared all the intimate details of their love/sex life. Hopefully, I pulled it off without seeming unrealistic. But throughout the novel, I basically let the characters dictate where the story was going, and fortunately, things just fell into place in a logical (hopefully) way.
Because Francine was absent throughout a good chunk of the middle of the novel, I didn’t want the reader to forget about Francine, so I would periodically interject how Jude missed her and wished they were talking so he could tell her about some of the crazy situations he experienced. Of course, I had — at some point — to reunite them and a death was the impetus to do just that because they both came to the conclusion that life is too short to let petty things come between friends.
Jude and Francine are well-crafted characters that readers will be drawn to and can relate to their emotional struggles. Were you able to achieve everything you wanted with the characters in the novel?
I feel that I did. In the beginning, Jude frets about turning 30. By the end of the novel, as he heads into the new year when he will turn 32, he realizes that age is just a number, and he doesn’t feel any different than when he was in his 20s.
As for Francine, she comes to realize it was foolish to let Dakota come between her deep friendship with Jude. She let her anger and emotions override reality. As they are celebrating New Year’s Eve, Jude optimistically moves on from his breakup with Chase, and Francine does the same with Douglas and Jude tells Francine how much he appreciates her and that you can’t rush love; it has to happen naturally. He will find a better version of Chase and Francine will find a better version of Douglas, but patience is needed. Until then, they will have each other and will support each other through the ups and downs of life. Time heals all wounds. I think it is a good lesson to learn for the reader.
What were some themes that were important for you to explore in this book?
Obviously, friendships and relationships were the major themes, but also family. I wanted to portray a positive relationship between a gay man and his family. Although it isn’t until the end of the novel that Jude tells his mother that he is gay, I wanted to present being gay as no different from being straight. When Francine asks Jude why he hasn’t told his parents, he says, “My brother didn’t have to tell them he’s straight. Being gay is who I am.”
Although I think of The Last Single Couple in America as a comic novel, it would be negligent to not include some of the social issues that faced gays in the 90s, so I had to include one character who has an AIDS scare and another character who is HIV positive, but that he was living a normal, happy, and healthy life.
What is the next book that you are working on, and when will it be available?
I’m toying with doing a sequel because I really liked the characters so much. But then I was thinking of doing a novel about a struggling actor and a struggling playwright who are thrown together by economic fates and start out at odds with each other, but an underlying attraction develops between them. We’ll see. I’ve spent a lot of time getting The Last Single Couple in America published and marketing it, but now I can spend more time thinking/writing a new novel.
Author Links: GoodReads | X | Facebook
A wasp infestation. An impending 30th birthday. These are minor catastrophes for Jude, a 29-year-old gay man and Francine, his 30-ish, straight best friend, especially after Jude unknowingly sleeps with the same man Francine also slept with and was hoping to begin a relationship with causing a breach in their friendship. Then, losing his job, Jude decides to visit a childhood friend in San Francisco, possibly starting a new life there. He gets embroiled in some bizarre misadventures, including a misconstrued interview with a gay porn production company, and involvement with a whip-wielding professor into bondage and worst of all to Jude – a foot fetish. After several months of attempting to get a job, and learning of his father’s ill health, Jude returns to upstate New York. Once home, Jude meets and falls in love for the first time with Chase Allgood, a handsome gay bar owner. When Jude’s father dies, he is reunited with Francine. She informs Jude about Douglas de Chambeau, a debonaire, wealthy jewelry store owner she is involved with. They bask in the glow of their rekindled friendship and mutual happiness, but will Chase’s quest for financial security his ex can offer end Jude’s happily-ever-after? And will a long-kept secret Douglas hides sabotage Francine’s chance for love rendering Jude and Francine the last single couple in America?
With Love from Mom: The Journey of Dreams centers on a mom reassuring her daughter that she will always be there for her in life and perhaps even in dreams. What was the inspiration for your story?
The inspiration for With Love, From Mom: The Journey of Dreams comes from my own experiences as a mother to my daughter, Audrey. Since she was little, we’ve bonded over bedtime stories, and I wanted to write a story that celebrates the bond between a mother and her child. I aimed to capture the warmth and comfort of knowing that a parent’s love is constant and unwavering, both in waking moments and in dreams. It’s a love letter to my daughter and children everywhere, reminding them that they are always cherished and supported.
The art in this book is fantastic. What was the art collaboration process like with the illustrator Gail Rae Javier?
I feel incredibly fortunate to have collaborated with Gail Rae Javier. As a new author, working with her has been wonderful. She brought her own artistic vision to my words, creating whimsical, dream-like illustrations that resonate with both children and parents. Gail’s talent for capturing gentle, heartfelt, and dreamy themes was exactly what I envisioned for the book. I appreciated her artistic point of view, and each illustration beautifully complemented the narrative, conveying the emotions and adventures of the mom and daughter. Her ability to translate my words into vivid, enchanting visuals brought the story to life beyond my expectations.
What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?
There were several key ideas I wanted to convey. First and foremost, the theme of unconditional love and the strong bond between a mother and her child. I also wanted to emphasize the power of dreams and imagination, encouraging children to believe in themselves and explore the world with curiosity and wonder. Additionally, the story supports social and emotional learning (SEL), highlighting themes of love, self-worth, and emotional bonding. It’s important for me that children feel secure in their parents’ love and grow up confident in their individuality.
What is the next book that you are working on, and when will it be available?
I am currently working on a new book that continues the adventures of the girl and her bunny from With Love from Mom: The Journey of Dreams. This time, they travel around the world, learning about different cultures, respecting customs, and immersing themselves in local traditions. It combines education with whimsy, aiming to broaden young readers’ horizons and foster a love and appreciation for the world around us. I’m excited to share that it will be available next year, and I can’t wait for readers to embark on this new journey with us.
I will also be releasing two more books this year in a series called Blossomvale. Curly’s Giving Heart follows Curly the Caterpillar as he learns the importance of balance and self-care while helping his friends. Feather’s Healing Song is a touching story about dealing with loss and finding joy again. Both books explore universal themes of friendship, self-discovery, and resilience, designed to entertain and impart valuable life lessons to young readers. I’m excited to share these heartwarming tales with children and families everywhere.
AuthorLinks: GoodReads | Instagram | Website
Discover the enchanting world of With Love, From Mom: The Journey of Dreams, an award-winning and heartwarming tale perfect for bedtime. This lyrical story unfolds as a mother’s loving letter to her child, brimming with magical adventures of riding rockets, swimming with whales, and dancing among the stars. Each page celebrates the boundless possibilities of dreams and the nurturing bond of a mother’s love. Experience the Magic: “A nurturing sendoff into a dreamworld of playful wonderment.” – Kirkus Reviews (Starred Review, Get It Award) “Each page feels like a mother’s hug, filled with love and care.” – Readers’ Favorite 5-Star Review “A whimsical journey of fancy and love in the land of dreams.” – Reedsy 4-Star Review A Poetic Journey: Told with lyrical rhymes and vivid imagery, this book invites young readers to dream big and feel deeply loved. It’s perfect for sparking curiosity, fostering a sense of security, and creating cherished bedtime memories. Award-Winning Author: Winner of the Golden Book Prize 2024, this beautifully illustrated book is a testament to Gel See’s captivating storytelling and Gail Rae Javier’s stunning illustrations. Ideal for children of all ages, from newborns to young readers, this book is a wonderful gift for baby showers, birthdays, and special moments. Join this heartfelt journey of dreams, where a mother’s love lights the way to wonder and self-discovery!
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